What’s So Great About Your Comfort Zone?

This week is an exciting one for me and my family. On Sunday, July 4^th, Independence Day, we are driving out of Tallahassee, FL, with our belongings in a U-Haul trailer to begin the three-and-a-half-day journey across the country to our new residence in San Francisco. That amazing, unique city is where I grew up, where my wife and I lived for the first 3 years of our marriage, where my eldest daughter was born, and where our hearts are. Although we spent many years in SF Bay Area, we have not lived within the city limits for years, and we are anxiously anticipating our return.

In some ways the City by the Bay could be misinterpreted as our “comfort zone”, the place we feel the most at ease and safe. Yet anyone who knows us and knows our relationship with the city would make the distinction that we seldom ever make the choice for what is safe.

In the McDaniel philosophy of living, safe is equivalent to boring. Safe is for those who are satisfied with the status quo and have little or no desire to experience the adventure that is an intricate element of the potential within every breath we take. Safe may be fine for others, but it reeks of stagnancy, boredom and insufficiency to me and my family.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure we have our own comfort zones, and this writing is not an attempt to put our approach to life on a pedestal high above your own. It is, however, rich with the hope that by sharing our story you too might be inspired to examine your comfort zone and maybe, just maybe, step outside of it to experience all that you have been missing.

We all have comfort zones of various contexts. As a designer, I have areas I excel in that I prefer to focus on. It’s easier and seemingly more fulfilling than trying to do something different, challenging or new to me. As a husband and father I have comfortable ways I communicate my love for my family that are so natural they can become routine. As an introvert I have boundaries I prefer not to step outside of because I find interacting with people I have never met awkward and emotionally draining.

And that’s really what comfort zones are, isn’t it? Boundaries of safety that we prefer not to break or wander beyond into the unknown.

But why? What’s so great about comfort zones? If they are all we ever know and we never set foot outside them, how much more are we missing that this life has to offer? Even more importantly, how much are we limiting who we become and what we have to offer others?

For many people, growth and change are scary propositions. For others they are almost cuss words. But for some they are the most prized possessions to pursue in every moment, and the result is a resounding impact on their own lives as well as those whose lives they touch.

I strongly believe that the very next step to take after identifying your comfort zone is determining how to breach its boundaries. In certain areas this can be easy. In many others it can be painful, ridden with mistakes and hurdles, and full of unknown results.

This, of course, is why so few even consider stepping outside their comfort zones.

Who wants to fail? Who wants to put time and energy and effort into something that could have either wonderful or devastating results? It’s so much easier to find what works for us and stick with it, never to stray again. No risk involved. No possibility of failure or disappointment. No unknown.

For me, the thought of a life without risk and adventure is enough to turn my stomach. My family and I have already experienced so many incredible highs and demoralizing lows in the short lives we’ve lived, and we would not trade a second of it for the alternative of safe and predictable. It would be like buckling up into a roller coaster that never rose more than a foot off the ground throughout the ride. How boring would that be?

If you would indulge me for a second, I’d like to share some examples of what I mean. My wife and I have lived what others have deemed a “crazy” life so far, and it might help you to hear some of our experiences as you consider stepping outside of your own comfort zone.

Broken Boundary: When I graduated from high school I had the choice of going to college for graphic design or playing music in nightclub bands. My deepest passion was writing and performing music, so I chose to pursue it rather than the ‘safety’ of a graphic design career.

Results: At age 18 I toured the northwest US and Canada with Hawaii’s most successful nightclub band at the time. This gave me the connections to form my own band, which eventually opened for The Cult and The Spin Doctors. For 5 years I made a living playing music, and most importantly it created the opportunity for me to meet the woman who would become my wife.

Broken Boundary: On February 14, 1989, 5 months to the day after I met Candace, I proposed to her. We both knew it was crazy to get married so quickly, but we also knew within the first month that we could spend the rest of our lives with each other. 8 months to the day from when we met, we were married on a beach in Hawaii.

Results: We are still married 21 years later, we have 3 amazing kids and we both continue to experience the joy of being in love with your best friend.

Broken Boundary: 1 week after we were married in Hawaii, we jumped on a plane to San Francisco with nothing more than $1500 and our wedding gifts. We knew we wanted to live in the city, so why not just go for it?

Results: 1 month after we moved into our apartment in downtown SF, the top 2 floors burned down and the building was condemned, so we had to move again. Just a few months later was the great SF earthquake of 1989. We were beginning to wonder if we’d made some dreadful mistake, and if the universe was against us living there. Still, 3 years later we got pregnant with our first daughter. Yes!

Broken Boundary: After years of working my way up into Operations Management in a nationwide electrical supplies wholesaler, we decided to jump from the stability of a full-time, successful career into full-time ministry as a Worship/Music Pastor at a local Bay Area small church. We spent the next 10 years learning and growing and serving others in this capacity.

Results: We were offered a Pastoral position at one of the largest multicultural Southern Baptist churches in the country. We both enjoyed the challenge and the unique experience of working across cultural boundaries and motivating others to do the same. Our children grew up within the church environment, while simultaneously being exposed to our methodology of never accepting the status quo.

Broken Boundary: After serving for 5 years in an amazing multicultural church, we realized we were settling into another comfort zone. We recognized that, for us, organized religion was intrinsically and ironically counter-productive to what we believed, and we needed to walk away from the institution of the church and learn how to live our beliefs in the world outside the walls. We resigned from our positions and packed everything we owned into a shipping container bound for Hawaii, where my family lives.

Results: We were ostracized by the congregation, colleagues and many ‘friends’ we had served for the past five years. It was one of the worst times of our lives, and there are scars that still have not healed completely after 4 years. Yet we simultaneously grew in our own development of our personal beliefs and began a new and exciting chapter in our lives. It was at this point that I really began growing my freelance design business from a side project into the full-time focus it has become.

Broken Boundary: After spending 2 years with family in Hawaii, we realized that although we loved the people and the spirit of the islands, it was not the place we wanted to live for the rest of our lives. We needed to be back on the mainland. So we made the decision to sell everything we own that we could, pack the remainder into a 4′ x 6′ trailer, and move across the country to a place we’d never been before: Tallahassee, FL. We had two friends there, but otherwise it would be a complete unknown. This thought was both exhilarating and terrifying.

Results: This is the place that, out of necessity, I became a full-time freelance web and graphic designer. My business has blossomed and my connections through social media and other avenues have greatly expanded. On this Saturday, July 3, my wife will be graduating from the Aveda Institute and will be obtaining her cosmetology license to pursue her newfound love as a stylist. She already has a position at a salon in SF lined up, as well as devoted friends and clients who will be using her services.

Believe it or not, those are just a few of the major boundary-breaking experiences we have had. It hasn’t all been fun and rewarding in the classic sense, either. Our marriage has been challenged in the most difficult ways. Some very dear friendships have been irreparably destroyed. Our children have left relationships behind and had to build new ones, all while attending new schools almost every year. As I said before, the lows have been just as extreme as the highs. Maybe it’s some type of balance that must be maintained in the universe. I don’t know. But I will take those extreme lows in order to indulge in the most amazing and fulfilling highs we have had the joy of experiencing.

We are stronger for it. Our kids are better people and eventually adults because of it. And I believe the people whose lives we have touched due to our boundary breaking are grateful.

What about you? What are your comfort zones? And what’s so great about them that you would choose to stay safely in them rather than experience the vast expanse of adventure that awaits you?

I believe life is a journey, but no journey can be taken by those that choose to stand still. What if everyone took the time to identify their comfort zones and then put into motion the plans to shatter the boundaries that once seemed so desirable? I really don’t know what kind of world that would be, but I would love to find out. After all, it’s another unknown. And I love to explore the unknown.