Sound Off: RT Thanks or Not?

Aug

Sound Off: RT Thanks or Not?

Last week I came across an interesting blog post titled “Eight Twitter Habits That May Get You Unfollowed or Semi-Followed“. I thought it was well-written and I agreed with most of it. I left a comment expressing my thoughts and the author and I had a bit of back-and-forth about my one disagreement. He was very cordial and it never escalated into anything ugly, which can very easily happen when two people publicly disagree. In fact, he even went to my own site and emailed me to privately respond and make sure there were not any hard feelings. I thought this was pretty admirable and it made me respect the author even more.

Here’s an excerpt from the point we disagreed on:

Sending a public tweet that thanks someone for following, for recommending you, or for retweeting your post isn’t an expression of gratitude but a boast sent to everyone who follows you. It’s a big, needy, self-serving way to make sure a wide group of people are aware that someone thinks you’re terrific.

I disagreed on two levels with this statement. First, from the beginning of my time on Twitter I have made it a point to thank every single person who RTs (re-tweets) anything I tweet. No one told me I should or shouldn’t do this. It just seemed the natural thing to do. I feel that if someone RTs something I tweet, they have deemed it valuable enough to share with their own followers. It is an encouragement to me – it makes me feel that I have given a resource or a link that has worth to those that are following me. So I am grateful for the RT for what it says to me and to others. The only reasonable, natural response from my point of view is to say ‘thank you’. So I do. I’ve never seen anything wrong with that until I read this post. In fact, I have had positive feedback from people who thought it was very gracious of me to express my gratitude. It seems to generate interaction and a friendlier atmosphere amongst those that follow me and those I follow on Twitter.

Second, I was personally offended by the accusation that my thank you tweets were self-serving, needy and boastful. That’s a pretty broad statement to make, since the author obviously has no idea what the intentions or personality are behind the thank you. In short, I believe it is completely irresponsible to assume that every single person who says thank you for a RT is only attempting to promote themselves. I’m sure there may be some people that this is the case. But speaking for myself, the only person I can speak for, I know it is not.

Now here’s a little disclosure about myself. I’m just a little stubborn. I don’t like to be wrong (does anyone?) and when I truly believe I am right about something I tend to refuse to rest until I can convince anyone that disagrees to at least admit that my point of view has merit. Yes, I know this can be a positive thing. But it has its dark, somewhat annoying side. Just ask my wife.

So anyway, after this little discussion I decided to ask the people that should be making the determination of whether or not a RT Thank You is necessary, helpful, appreciated or annoying.

I asked my followers.

I sent out a tweet asking what they thought about all the RT Thanks I send throughout the day and the response was all but unanimously positive. 1 person said it was annoying to them but worth putting up with to receive the tweets they valued from me. Another said when she first started following me she thought it was annoying, but then she realized my genuine intentions behind them and so now they don’t bother her. The rest of the people that answered had varying reasons for actually appreciating the thank you.

They thought it was polite, it was genuine, it made them feel appreciated, it was encouraging, it made them appreciate me, it showed the type of person that I am (which they liked), and some even said they have found other great people to follow by seeing them in a list of people I thanked!

These responses only confirmed what I was trying to communicate with my comments on the blog post, and ultimately encouraged me to continue with my own personal policy of thanking everyone who RTs me. It also made me even more grateful for the fantastic people who follow me – I have ‘met’ so many amazing people through Twitter!

So that should have been the end of the issue for me, correct? Well, I thought it was. Until the same author wrote a follow-up piece in which he continued to focus on driving his point home. To be honest, I don’t have a beef with this author and I don’t presume to think he was directing his piece at me. In fact, I don’t really care about his own personal opinion of what works for him and others on Twitter. He is completely entitled to it. As I am mine. I am writing this post to ask you, the reader and possible follower of me on Twitter, to share your own thoughts on the subject.

I’m NOT trying to tell you what is right or wrong. I don’t believe anyone has the right to make a statement of the “correct etiquette” on Twitter, or proclaim exactly how everyone will respond if you do things a certain way. It is my opinion that one of the beautiful things about the social media revolution we’re experiencing is that we have the ability and freedom to make our own choices about how we conduct ourselves on the various channels. If you live to try to grow your following and decide you will shape how you present yourself based on how your followers respond, that is your choice. Go for it! My own approach is to try to engage and interact and share and learn and grow while still being 100% true to who I am. If people don’t want to follow me because of who I am, then that is their choice!

So far, this approach has been working for me and the 5,000+ people who follow me. At least as far as I know.

But I want to hear your thoughts. What do YOU think about the thank you tweets I (or others) broadcast throughout the day? Would you prefer a personal private direct message thanking you instead? Do you just ignore them? Do you thank people too? Do you think it’s needy and self-serving to thank people publicly?

Please leave a comment below and let your thoughts be heard. Please be honest. I would love to hear others’ thoughts on this and I believe an open and honest discussion would help us all grow and shape how we best use services like Twitter in the future. I promise that although it is my nature to want to try to prove my own points, I really do want to hear your thoughts whether they are in unison with mine or not. I want this because I believe it will help me learn to be the best person online and off that I can be, and I hope it will help you do the same.

So come on! Let’s talk…

Categories Social Media, Wanderings | Tags: networking, personal, philosophy, Social Media, Twitter

You may also find these related posts interesting

http://www.carenlibby.wordpress.com @carenlibby

First, social media is a platform for self expression.

Second, Twitter is all about communicating, including thanking people who acknowledge you in some way.

Third, tweet authenticity is usually transparent…even at a max of 140 characters.

bkmacdaddy

Nicely said. I especially like your third point. I think it’s important to leave it up to the user to decide how they conduct themselves & who they associate themselves with. Dangerous to try to tell them how to do it or claim your practices are “best practices”.

Thanks for the comment! You officially started the discussion!

http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com/ Mark Sherrick

Twitter is the same as conversation, and if you never say thanks in real life, you’re branded a jerk. I will cop to thinking that a tweet that just says “thanks @person” is annoying in large quantity, but if something else was added to the tweet, I don’t mind them at all, and that’s how I try to thank people myself, by not just saying “thanks”

bkmacdaddy

Thanks for the comment. I agree with you, too. My situation gets a little sticky here because I actually thank 8-9 people at a time simply because if I thanked each individual I would never get anything else done! But I strongly desire to express my gratitude, so the list thank you is what’s probably potentially the most annoying – it’s not too far from the #FollowFriday lists I find so meaningless. I don’t know how else to do it. That’s part of the reason I’m asking for input.

http://booksbelow.wordpress.com Roger Hjulstrom

I agree that the intentions of the RT’s varies, and with most people is just a heart-felt appreciation. I wrestle with this myself sometimes, only because all the thanking for RT’s and comments on blogs tends to clog the twitter stream. Even if @ directed, many people will still see them, as we all tend to follow many of the same people. So, sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t, sometimes I DM, but many people are increasingly ignoring their DM’s with all the spam. Great subject to open to discussion, though!

bkmacdaddy

Thanks for the comment & joining in on the discussion! I agree that the Twitter stream gets clogged by a number of things. I think I’m learning to just filter the things I’m interested in. But it doesn’t make me want to get rid of those things I’m not. Who knows what I may miss? That’s part of what I love about Twitter – the endless flow of info & discussion & personalities.

http://owng.net countzeero

I had never even thought that publicly thanking for a RT or #FF could be considered egoistic or self-serving, does that make me naive or non- cynical? Or does it mean I am not thinking hard enough about what I tweet. None methinks, instead I would venture that the Author of the “8 things etc.” post approached his article in a somewhat cynical manner. I declined to comment on that post and I will also decline to comment on his follow-up.
We have been interacting for a few weeks now (via Twitter and our respective Blogs) and the mix of public thanks and private DM´s is in my (often not so humble) opinion just right.
The Public Thanking of someone for a ReTweet is in my ethical book neither a “must” nor a “must not” – much rather it is to do with how I was brought up and educated which was to say Please and Thank You when appropriate.
The same applies to a Twitter #FF recommendation if I am included on someones #FF list then I take the time to thank them publicly and intend that my Followers/Friends see that persons @name and view them as a potential addition to their network.
I disagree strongly with the argument that public thanks are self-serving and needy. I do not wish to think of anyone as being so cynical as to try and “boost” their reputation through such means. Maybe this has to do with MY (OUR) involvement in the Twitter #design community, where we are truly interested in interaction and meaningful relationships with our networks and not just trying to gain leverage on MLM/Affiliate/ADSense clicks through Twitter.
We had a public and private exchange just yesterday which for me was a perfect example of the engagement and meaning of a virtual friendship via Twitter.
I would like to thank YOU here for your attitude and friendship and really do not care if anyone thinks I am doing that to boost my own standing, we know it is not so and we also know that anyone cynical enough to think otherwise is going about life the wrong way.

bkmacdaddy

Hehe…I believe you and I are cut from the same cloth, my friend. Well said. I have nothing to add.

http://smartestgeek.com Keith Driscoll

We communicate publicly on Twitter and sometimes it may be hard to follow the conversation. I answer all @ replies, DM’s, and I try to thank others for RT’s and FF’s but cannot possibly thank everybody! Many times I will RT somebody in return and pass on the TY. The thanking via DM sounds great in theory but that assumes everybody is following each other so that doesnt work either. If I thank somebody, it’s because I mean it

bkmacdaddy

Thanks for the input, Keith. As my followers and RTs increase, I am starting to wonder if I’ll be able to keep up with thanking everyone too! But I believe the intention you share is most important, and the attempt to perpetuate a spirit of community with gratitude is what counts. At least in my book.

http://jeanneveillettebowerman.blogspot.com Jeanne Bowerman

While I am a stubborn, competitive, opinionated Sicilian with OCD when it comes to driving a point home, I am a strong believer in a person’s right to their own opinion and style of communication, including tweets. Both the authors have interesting points, and I love hearing differing opinions. For me, in “real life,” it is appropriate to thank someone for an act showing respect or appreciation. Why should it be any different in the cyber world? Perhaps I’m old-fashioned, but it’s about respect and manners, not about self-gloating or insecurity. Having said that, I have no need for anyone to thank me if I RT. I simply do it as a service to my own followers when I find something of value.

bkmacdaddy

Thank you for your thoughts – and taking the time to share. I agree that if I’m going to thank people for similar types of things in “real life” why wouldn’t I do the same online? That’s kind of my main point, I guess. It just comes naturally. I don’t thank people because I think they expect it. And I have had 2 people tell me that they don’t expect nor desire it. They trust that I am grateful so no need to thank them. So I don’t. And I have asked my followers tolet me know if they don’t want to be thanked because I truly DO want to respect their wishes. So in the end, I really think it’s all about being yourself and communicating in an effort to work with people to accommodate their desires too.

http://seeking-serenity.com Pat Burns

Brian, I’ve always felt that thanking folks for their retweets, recommendations and other kindnesses is just common courtesy. I want them to know that I appreciate what they’ve done, and that I value my interaction with them, because I truly do.

bkmacdaddy

Thank you, Pat. I would expect nothing less from you. You are tops in my book!

http://maddisondesigns.com Anthony Hortin

I tend to agree with you also Brian. If I’ve tweeted a link to something and that in turn has been RT’d, then I like to thank the people for it. I’ll only RT something that I think other people may find useful or informative and because of that, I feel that anyone who RT’s anything I tweet, is thinking the same thing. I feel a little humbled when someone RT’s any of my tweets. I’m usually surprised that people would find anything I tweet (or say) interesting, so when they do, I like to show my appreciating by thanking them. If it’s been RT’d by numerous people, then I’ll usually add them all into the one “thank you tweet”, rather than singling out each person individually. It saves time, doesn’t flood the stream with unnecessary tweets and in my opinion, is just as sincere.
http://twitter.com/jonaston Jon Aston

People who follow you accept, like and even trust you because of what you tweet and how you tweet it. That’s the way it works. Likewise, people who don’t can unfollow — no harm, no foul. Authenticity rules.

http://bit.ly/unfollowtee

bkmacdaddy

LOL! That t-shirt on your link is hilarious! Thanks for the succinct and perfect point: authenticity rules! You ROCK!

http://connecttoeachother.blogspot.com/ Ann Marie and Anessa

I must be narrow minded…I have never given thought that saying thank you to someone who RT’s, mentions, or recommends you(me) as “self-serving, needy and boastful.” I’m applaud and stunned to think that is what people think of why someone says thank you. To me it is no different then holding the door open for someone, blessing them when they sneeze, saying good morning, or thanking someone who has done something for you….these are simple human acts of kindness. To me kindness needs to be thanked and appreciated not taken for granted. When we take people for granted and don’t show our appreciation and kindness/love for what someone has done for you is rude and unkind…what does that say about society as a whole if we think that way? So, wonder why there are so many cold hearten people in the world…if they think that a simple act of human kindness is “self-serving, needy and boastful. I will continue to thank my followers and encourage human acts of kindness.

bkmacdaddy

Thanks for the comment, my friend! You are right on as far as I’m concerned. And ultimately that is YOUR choice and the choice of those you interact with to follow or not. People that are annoyed with or dislike what you intend as acts of kindness probably don’t really know enough about you to make that call anyway. And then there’s always that unfollow button…they have the freedom to use it.

http://kramerandcompany.com Shelly Kramer

Great post, Brian.
I have mixed feelings on this issue. And I’m the first to admit that my judgment is oft clouded by the many people who insist on RTing something that is a compliment to or about them. Like me RTing a post that says “That @shellykramer is one rockin’ hot, smart, muckety-muck.” Well, seriously, isn’t that just too much. Like you, and my dear friend, Roger, I think we were raised to know better. Thus, when someone compliments us, graciousness seems the best route. So, my feelings about RTing are muddy at the onset, because of that ANNOYING tendency.

Here’s the deal. If I write a blog post that makes you laugh, think, feel, etc., I would love it if you RT it. And when you do, I’m grateful, and of course want to thank you.

I also post links on a regular basis. Articles that I run across, blog posts that I enjoy, helpful hints from many of my designer friends (you included), and when I share that content – content which is not my own, I really don’t need a thank you and certainly don’t think it’s expected. I feel the same way when I RT something of yours – a link, article, etc. I’m saying to my friends that here’s something worth readling, you might enjoy it, but I realy don’t expect or need a TY from the original poster. It’s nice that you do it, I don’t find it annoying, but I suppose I can see why some would think those kinds of things clutter the Twitter stream. So, on that part of the subject, I suppose I’m a bit ambivalent. Rare for me, I know.

The most important part of your post is this: there is no right or wrong way. There is only the way that works for you. And anyone who takes you to task for what works for you is, in my most humble opinion, wrong.

Great thoughts, thanks for sharing.

bkmacdaddy

Thanks for the comment, Shelley. I like your summation at the end. One of the biggest (and maybe hardest) lessons I’ve learned in life is that different is not wrong. It is a truth that I hold close to my heart now. What is right and good for you may not necessarily be right and good for me. But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. That just means we are, thankfully, different people.
I choose to celebrate and embrace the countless differences and uniqueness of every human being. The alternative only breeds negative results.
I can absolutely see how some find it annoying. That’s why I’m asking what people think. But my guess is those that find it annoying will just unfollow. And I’m thankful they have that choice!

http://HouseworkHatersClub.blogspot.com/ Decotta

I believe in showing appreciation by saying thanks to people who do nice things or have helped me or others in some way. I was raised to always say thanks, even when I was given criticism. I have made it a practice to always thank those that retweet my tweets. The only time I do not say thanks is when it is a retweet of a retweet of a retweet(etc) which is something I have never been able to understand. Especially when the original tweet was a list of names that I originally thanked. I believe those retweets to be somewhat “self-serving” and possibly even “needy” (and not to mention just plain stupid). Otherwise, I agree with you, Brian, and always appreciate your thanks. To me thanking someone for a retweet says, “I noticed your interest and kindness, and it meant something to me.”

bkmacdaddy

Absolutely, Decotta! Thanking someone for a retweet says the same thing for me.

http://emilygonsalves.com/ Emily

For a while after joining Twitter, I didn’t thank for retweets, because I wasn’t sure what was common for other Twitter users. There are plenty of social networking sites where you don’t necessarily see a “thank you” in response to someone sharing something, even if the shared item/comment is appreciated. So I waited a while before I decided to start thanking people for retweeting. I did send out the occasional public “thanks to everyone who retweeted my messages” just as I’ve done once in a while for the “thanks for following me” type of gratitude. I can’t thank everyone who follows me individually, but I do appreciate it.

Now I send “thank you” messages in @replies and I say “you’re welcome” to anyone who sends me a “thank you.” I don’t think it’s necessary to make the thanks public unless there are a bunch of people you’d like to thank at once and give them a little added visibility to repay them for their kindness.

I also think that if people dislike public thank you messages, they can ignore them. There really aren’t so many that it impedes the natural flow of messages.

While I think there are certainly people who treat Twitter as a one-sided discussion, or perhaps an ego boost; that’s something I try to stay away from. I joined Twitter for networking. Of course I want to share my own work and make note of what’s keeping me busy. But that’s not necessarily self-serving.

If I get more specific, in talking about things like sharing artwork – yes, I do that so that my name is associated with my art and perhaps people will be encouraged to contact me for a work opportunity. But I also do it because I’d like people who could be interested but have never seen it before to get the chance to see it and maybe start following me in some way to keep up with what I’m doing artistically. I’m not looking for fame, I’m looking to share my work so that people can enjoy it. The numbers only tell me if people like what I have to say and if they like my work. I guess I’m trying to say that for me, it’s very much not about ego but about sharing.

And if someone likes my work or what I’m sharing or saying – why shouldn’t I thank them? Isn’t that the polite thing to do?

bkmacdaddy

Thank you for your insight, Emily. It is really helpful for me in this discussion to hear people’s thoughts behind why they are on Twitter and why they share and say thanks or not. It seems most agree it’s a polite thing to say thanks. I guess the question is when that gesture is ‘used’ for other purposes. Shame on those who do, but I’m not ready to throw the baby out with the bathwater and cancel all thank yous from this point forward because of them!

http://emilygonsalves.com/ Emily

Oh, I agree. I won’t stop sending thanks either.

I’ve got to admit, I have unfollowed people before because I thought they seemed to be Tweeting for an ego boost. I’m there to share and interact. If you worry about the numbers more than anything, maybe you’re not there for the right reasons. It’s called social networking. Isn’t the whole point to be social?

http://level343.com/article_archive/ Gabriella

I agree you should do what’s right for you…period! I don’t follow you; I RT’d your post because someone I admire and respect RT’d your link and I found value in the link. Did I expect thanks? No, but that RT led me to your site and blog post.
Sometimes, we try to bring our personal behavior into the social networks. It’s not easy; there’s a certain dance we have to do. I look at Twitter as a place to engage – almost like a cocktail party.

Let’s hypothetically say I was talking to your friend who gave me a great link of yours. Would I walk up to you and thank you for that link? No, but if I found value in it, I would personally engage you as I’m doing here.

But… thanking me for an RT when I don’t even follow you is… to some it’s annoying. And that’s okay, too. Great, thought provoking post. Especially today, when I need to think mundane thoughts.

bkmacdaddy

Thanks for the visit, Gabriella. It’s good to hear from someone I haven’t interacted with before to get another viewpoint too! I like the cocktail party analogy, and ultimately we all have different approaches to how we behave at a “real life” cocktail party too. For instance, if I were at a cocktail party and someone shared something I thought would benefit everyone else in attendance, I would most definitely get everyone’s attention and share it. Then I would also publicly commend the originator. “That was great! Thanks for sharing it with us!” Unless of course that person would be mortified (or annoyed) by me doing that. But someone else might not be so brazen or “public” about it. In my opinion, either response is okay. But neither is self-serving. I would share to share first, then say thank you publicly to make sure the person would get the recognition THEY deserve. Make sense?
In the end, your opening sentence is what I try to live by. Do what’s right for you. But at the same time, respect society enough to not force your ‘right’ on others.
Thanks for the discussion!

http://sheristrykowski.com @writer_sheri

Authenticity Rules! (t-shirt HILAR)
Kindness, Appreciation, Graciousness.

For now, I will continue to thank each and every person who RTs or recos because I am honored – unless/until I can’t. And I like seeing the thanks/seeing the smiling avatar from tweeps I’ve RTed (although I respect their right to do so or not).
I know I clutter up the stream sometimes w/thank u’s and that’s why I’ve started to put the @ first.

Like you said, Brian, it’s cool that we are all taking this journey together.

p.s. I think thanking someone for following them publicly is just wrong – and copying compliments back into the stream is not my style – but I am always touched.

bkmacdaddy

Hi Sheri! Thanks for joining the conversation! That’s one of the things I keep coming back to: aren’t we all kind of making up the ‘rules’ together as we go? If that’s the case (as I think it is) then we really have to approach this community building with the utmost respect for others and our differences, the most transparent communication possible and with flexibility to weather each new change as it comes. It’s a learning process for all of us!

http://sheristrykowski.com @writer_sheri

Beautifully said, Brian.

John Burnette

The first comment is almost verbatim my exact thoughts. I read this article about a week ago and found myself laughing at this. Thanking someone else publicly is boasting? Hardly.

It comes down to social interaction, and last time I checked when someone does something nice for you, the common response is:

Thank you. Online or offline, its all the same. Manners know no boundaries.

bkmacdaddy

Well said. Manners know no boundaries. Profound and succinct. Thank you!

KHB

Oh come on, you are an arrogant self serving bastard and you know it!

bkmacdaddy

Keith, you are hilarious! Thanks for stopping by. I need to call you, ya slacker! Got any free time for a chat?

KHB

Call me after noon Ca. time today. We’ll catch up, or I’ll call you. Miss you buddy!

http://www.jadiscorp.com/ Jarvis

For me it’s simple. I stick to what I was taught growing up on behaving in social settings – don’t say something online you wouldn’t say to an auditorium full of people. And when it comes to manners, if someone does or says something you appreciate, then say, “Thank you.” This definitely doesn’t have to be complicated.

bkmacdaddy

Thanks for the comment, Jarvis! Short and sweet and right (for me, anyway). It doesn’t have to be complicated.

http://www.rafaelarmstrong.com rafael armstrong

I skimmed through the comments, and I’m sure they’re all insightful, well-thought out responses. Mine will be relatively short and sweet. I go back to what I was taught as a child– it’s just good manners.

bkmacdaddy

Hehe…thanks Rafael. You and Jarvis (right above you) keep it simple. I’ve said it before, too: Mom taught me to be polite.

http://digigirlmisty.blogspot.com Misty Belardo

I must say that I do thank the people who RTs me with the same reason as yours that is to just show my appreciation to the people who took time to read my tweets and check out the link that I shared, it is one indication for me at least that the materials I share are liked and to me at least I have a personal basis that what I sent out was truly helpful to my followers.

i think its unfair to judge people by the way they tweet, we do what we feel is best and we just can’t please everyone. personally I do not tell anyone how to tweet. To each his own. Plus as others have mentioned it is just plain good manners to say thank you. Thanks Brian for the post,and for giving us the chance to be heard.

bkmacdaddy

Misty,
So happy for your visit and comment! I really like what you have to say about not attempting to please everyone. My experience is that trying to do that is fruitless and ends up compromising your true identity. I say be yourself and those that appreciate you for who you are will remain. Those that don’t have the choice to ignore you or move on. And more power to them!

http://printedproof.com printedproof

I’m with you Brian. Keep thanking. I do the same when my emails are RT’ed. Someone took a moment to read what I had to say and then another moment to repeat it. I always send the thanks to honor them, not myself.

One great thing about Twitter, it is what you make of it. Your followers will keep the score and blow the whistle.

bkmacdaddy

Great last line, Christian. That’s really what this post is about in a lot of ways: what do the recipients of the RT Thanks prefer? Rather than make my own assumptions or determinations, I thought I should ask. Turns out the RT Thank You seems to be well-received and appreciated, at least by the people I interact with!

http://www.isatisfy.com Mike Haynes

A simple “thank you” is always a nice gift to receive. If in doubt, always err on the side of politeness. WWYMD “What would your momma do?”

bkmacdaddy

Do they make bracelets and t-shirts that say “WWYMD”? I want one!

http://blog.yellowdoggdesigns.com Mark

I always consider it an honor to have something I tweeted retweeted so I thank the person without much thought put into it. Even if it isn’t my original quote, link or statement the fact that somebody felt something I tweeted was worth mentioning again is is a compliment in itself.
We should all remember that even though communication over the internet is not as personal as face-to-face that we still should not take our personality out of the interaction.

bkmacdaddy

Good point, Mark. Keeping our personalities intact and involved in our online interactions is so important! Otherwise it just becomes robotic noise. Thanks for pointing that out!

http://www.wesst.org Nina Anthony

I,too, read the article “8 Twitter Habits that May Get You Unfollowed or Semi-followed.” Shortly after reading it, I posted a thank you to a follower who had just re-tweeted one of my posts. In other words, I agreed with your position 100% on publicly thanking people who RT. After all, they don’t have to acknowledge the source. People could just take your tweet and re-post it as their own — as many people do. So, why not thank them for the extra effort of recognizing their source? It is, as you said, a matter of common courtesy, not self promotion. So, keep on thanking your followers, Brian. It won’t get you un-followed by me!

bkmacdaddy

That’s good to know, Nina, that you won’t be un-following me due to RT thanks! It’s a good insight too, remembering that the credit that is given with an RT is not required. More reasons to say thank you for the RT that is given!

http://www.behance.net/VonnieMaddox VM_DesigNut

I agree with you Brian. You should do what comes natural and feels right for you. I am new to Twitter, and am finding that I have made some mistakes, as a lot of us probably have. But, thanking people should not be considered one of them. Since when is being polite and respectful the wrong thing to do?

I don’t think it’s very fair or nice to assume the reasons that someone thanks others either publicly or otherwise. Thanking someone is just good manners, and something that I consider a selfless thing. A genuine thank you is kind, polite, and when done in the manner that you are doing them, is also generous. It not only allows others to see who is retweeting you, it gives your followers a chance to see who you are thanking, and gives the ones being thanked the opportunity to pick up more followers. How is that self-serving in any way?! If for one moment one did think of it as being self-serving, then the benefits to the ones being thanked far outweigh the possible “self-serving” act; which I believe is not selfish at all, but rather a very kind and generous thing to do. It says a lot about your character, that you take the time to thank every retweet; especially with so many every day. That is a very time consuming and selfless thing to do.

I also thank my RT’ers, and will continue to do so as long as I can keep up with it. Very often I get replies back saying your welcome. That shows me that many being thanked appreciate it.

For those that think it clutters up the stream, comon, it’s a blip in the fast moving stream of Twitterverse.

I say do what you feel is right, as long as you and your RT’ers are comfortable with it, and ignore those who disagree. It says a lot about your character, and helps to personalize things a bit, which I for one appreciate. I like being personally thanked. It makes the world seem smaller, I know that someone took the time to type my name and thank me, and most people appreciate a genuine thank you.

You go Brian! Thanking is not only the polite thing to do, it shows respect.

bkmacdaddy

Thank you so much for your thoughts, Vonnie. Politeness and respect are lost arts in so many contexts these days. Good to know this is at least one of the ways we can keep them alive.

http://www.freelancerant.com/ Johnny

Hey Brian,

As I’ve grown to know you through Twitter and your blog, I can tell you are admired for for providing A LOT of good information and being an all around good guy. How many other bloggers respond to every comment in their posts?

As for the “etiquette matters” crowd out there, sure, they’ll probably unfollow you and raise a stink. That’s the beauty of Twitter, though. Those that prefer etiquette in tweets will have only followers that are guided in that etiquette. Meanwhile you are left with those who know you and want to hear what you have to say. An RT thanks from you doesn’t become an annoyance for those left.

bkmacdaddy

Thanks for the good points, Johnny. And I really appreciate your kind words about me. I try hard to stay true to who I am in everything I do, so it’s comforting to hear that it shines through. I am thankful for the chance to get to know you too.

http://twitter.com/megAlone meg

((I think Thanking people for RT’s is a fine practice. I’m a huge fan of the polite and kind, and as a little bonus, i find it to be an excellent way of gauging the amount of interaction to expect, and just how personable the tweeter is. When shaving down my list of “people i follow”, the first to go are always the robotic, i-won’t-respond-to-you-even-if-you-say-something-directly-to-me types.. however, i do find it awkward, sometimes, to send out those thank yous ((occasionally sending only smiles to those who were kind enough to list me as a source)). The reason- if the article was not my own, or if my tweet is a retweet of another person’s find, then who am i to say anything at all? In the end, i suppose, to each his own. Those of us who care enough to can Thank and smile and engage in conversation. or not. There are those who will unfollow. Let ‘em. For me, Twitter is not about popularity and numbers, but learning, networking and interaction. yes. But that’s just my opinion.. <3meg))

bkmacdaddy

Thanks for the input, Meg. I agree that if we are focusing on trying to gain followers or have other goals based on ‘measurable statistics’, then it shapes what ends up being classified as ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. But for the individual who has goals such as yours – which I share – the way we pursue them tends to have more respect and appreciation for the freedoms of others.

http://twitter.com/megAlone meg

((no problem! ))

http://www.HennArtOnline.com Henie

I love posts that make my veins flow hotter (but smoothly) than it already does! Thank you for providing this forum!

1) Opinions are not weapons
2) Saying thank you is a universal courtesy…it is not the source of, but the act of expressing ones gratitude for another’s presence/expression.
3) I appreciate one (like you) who shares an opinion graciously!

Thank you!

bkmacdaddy

Thank you for the visit and the comment, Henie. there was a time not long ago that I shared my opinions with much more force and from a place of self-imposed authority. I learned the hard way (and am probably still learning) that very seldom does that approach gain the respect or admiration of an audience. Now I try to present my opinions knowing that they are just that – MY opinions and not necessarily even right. I am grateful for your encouragement. Thank you!

http://pqrdesigns.com Pam

Hey Brian,

I like and agree with what Henie has to say!!

Adding to that I have to ask anybody…everybody out there who can answer this:

Q1: When, where, why and who started all these stupid rules for twitter anyway?

Q2: What purpose is it serving?

Q3: Why do we care what other twitheads have to say with nothing better to do than seek the name of OZ over Twitterland?

OMG!

Cheers and have a great day!
Pam

bkmacdaddy

Love your spirit, Pam. I guess for some there is always a need to try to have some type of control of things. In the end, I personally prefer to be free!

http://www.joehowarddesign.com Joe Howard

I like the RT thanks. I appreciate everyone who spreads information forward and it gives you an opportunity to connect with people. I”m not sure how I feel about the RT you’re welcome as that may be cluttering up things a bit. I do try to every so often say thanks for sharing to those who RT thank me. Thanks for sharing all the great links on twitter Brian!

bkmacdaddy

The “RT Your Welcome” is a tough one for me too. I guess it’s the polite response, right? But for some reason it seems one step extra in the back & forth. Hmmm…curious to think about though! Thanks for stopping by & sharing your thoughts, Joe!

http://friendscall.me/manu Manu

RThanks are ok! But it would be great if twitter implements a RThanks function soon.

bkmacdaddy

Thanks, Manu. What kind of functionality would you like to see on a RThanks function with Twitter?

http://friendscall.me/manu Manu

Sorry for my short comment & thanks for the reply, Brian! I think there should be a general function to handle RTs and their thanks: An icon like the favourite or the delete button behind each tweet to RT or thanks someone. Also every user can setting up if he wants to see other people’s RThanks or not.

As long as it’s simple & easy to use, twitter has a lot potential in this sense, I think!

Bekki Buenviaje

I think it is always good to say ‘thank you’ when someone does something for you. I think it’s great that you thank each person, and you do it in a timely manner. I do not get how saying ‘thanks’ is somehow self-serving! I don’t get upset if someone doesn’t say ‘thanks’but I”m always happy when they do. Personally, sometimes I individually @ people, sometimes I give an RT back, sometimes I DM. Just depends, but I always say ‘thanks’ I don’t think being polite is “clutter”

bkmacdaddy

Bekki,
Thanks for the thoughts. I agree – everything should be case by case & not an automatic “Thanks”. All the more personal you can get, the better off everyone will be as far as I’m concerned!

DannaMarie

I think you should acknowledge the RT because it is good etiquette. I attempt to wait until later in the day so I can thank everyone at the same time. Everyone is entitled to their own way of doing things.

bkmacdaddy

Thank you for stopping by and joining the conversation! I totally agree – do what you want in the way it best suits you.

http://ki.am Khayyam Wakil

I used to…

The number of sentences I can start with that are immeasurable. The reason, is because of change. Adaptation to the environment you are in. I used to thank each and everyone for their retweets of my content. Perspectives change and so did my definition of what commanded, or rather, earned a thank you and which did not.

The only consistency is the inconsistency.

While I agree with the principles behind thanking someone for retweeting your hard earned copy and paste of content from rss feeds, aggregates and the like and sharing them… there’s something to be said about your personal belief system and practices, no?! Does that make you a jerk because you believe in something and another person doesn’t?!

Remember, the unique thing about Twitter is it is unique to every single user. No one can tell anyone how they may or may not use twitter. You have the ability to block them from your view and shield yourself from the things that “push your buttons”. Choice. You have it. Make the good ones

Another thing to address when confronting generalized statements… they are general for a reason. To cover all the bases and not to really offend anyone. Self serving to thank the myriad of people that retweet you?! Yes. I agree to some extent. If your following is manageable and under 10k, sure it’s feasible to thank everyone and what a beautiful way to vibrate! When you’re talking about 100k followers… there is no way that one could “expect” to be thanked for all the retweets. Again… it comes with change and growth of your network. Great practice… being grateful for the small things in life. I’m all for it. But this is twitter and it’s not a conversation if it includes and http:// before any words. It’s an exchange

Now, reading through some of the comments I found one to be particularly amusing:

“Twitter is the same as conversation, and if you never say thanks in real life, you’re branded a jerk.”

Really?! So let me get this straight. You’re telling me that in a conversation you would practice minding your P’s and Q’s?! However when the sweat equity that was put into searching and combing the internet for that “gold” called content (let’s define it as a commodity now… gold seems to fit in here, so let’s go with that). Well that means you’re handing out gold to everyone. Making everyone rich in knowledge and wisdom. And they spread the message and share their gold with their tribes So one is to tell me that I should go around thanking all the people I gave gold nuggets too?!

Humor me. Go out on the street and take a dollar out and start giving them away. Then after you give them away, thank the person for taking your hard earned equity That’s what a tweet is. Why do you think they have measures on the ROI of a single tweet?! Return on investment?! That’s sound like business terms, terms you would use when dealing with commodities

I digress. To each their own. To thank or not to thank. That is the question. And the answer will only be in you. Look no where else.

My answer found me when I realized that all the time I take out of my day to dig up content is self-serving, selflessly-serving and is worth a tremendous amount of sweat equity. And I share that without compensation or need to be thanked. Ask yourself this: Do you expect to be thanked when you hold the door open for someone? I’m giving my gold away, sharing it and everyone gets rich. My thanks to you is in continually enjoying the content I push. My thanks to you is that I love doing it everyday (except Fridays for obvious reasons). That is my gift to you. You may say thank you with a retweet of this gift or perhaps not. And I have thanked every single one that bothers to follow me by tweeting in the first place. What?! You think I would tweet links to pretty much everything under the sun for myself?! I’m a loser… but not that big of one

Thank you for your time and consideration tossing through my two cents… it is greatly appreciated.

Or you could follow me on twitter and expect me not to thank you for retweeting me I’ll still share…

Oh yes… and most importantly… create a beautiful day 8P

bkmacdaddy

First off, thanks for adding a whole new blog post in the comments section, Mr. Wakil! I am honored to partake of your witty repartee and wisdom. I think you make a great point about the flipping it around – the person that should be thanked is the one who is providing the info, links, resources – whatever. I can’t argue against that. And often I receive thanks from my amazing followers for the many links I spew throughout the day. So I guess in that sense my desire – no, my internal NEED – to express my gratitude because of the way their RTs make me feel is in its own way self-serving. However, I guess I prefer to sit on the side that says better too share an abundance of gratitude and positivity than to withhold it. Not that I believe anyone should EXPECT a thank you – that’s not why I do it. But I do believe, unlike you, that they deserve a thank you.
Thank you for adding value to the gold nuggets I’ve shared by sharing it with others.
Thank you for reassuring me that someone is listening and cares about what I share and have to say.
Thank you for interacting with me in this small and simple way.
In the end, we are pretty much all agreeing on what I believe is the most important point of this post: everyone has the freedom and the right to choose how they want to behave, whether on Twitter or in life. And everyone has the right to choose who they want to associate with, or follow, or friend, or whatever. This is real truth, and real truth always sets you free.

http://ki.am Khayyam Wakil

#kaboom!

Well said my friend. And as our views may differ and continue to differ, those are the differences that make us all the same. So for that little gem, I thank you

Just like in real life… birds of a feather flock together. Glad you’s a bad mamma jamma in my corner.

I’m appreciative as the next guy… you know this because of the level of communication and camaraderie we have enjoyed with one another. And you know how I roll

I choose to spend my energy wisely and focus on my friends and from time to time drop them a new blog post in their blog post to say that I care… and I’m listening… and if your wife has picked out lovely, strong and independent women for me yet? Still waiting…

So thank her for her efforts to aid my in my charity. And thanks to you for allowing me to be just me.

#madLove
http://ki.am Khayyam Wakil

p.s. Let me know how the #thankyou project progresses in three months

bkmacdaddy

I knew that was coming next. My response: 3 months? That’s a life time from now. And if all progresses as I expect, I will be different. Always changing. Always growing. Always learning.

Where have I heard that before?

But my integrity, passion, gratitude and desire for community will most likely only be strengthened. How I express it…only time will tell. But it WILL be expressed. That you can count on.

Jennie White

Most of us have been taught to say thank you from the time we could talk. You’re right Brian, when someone Retweets they deem your tweet; worthwhile and interesting. Say your at have a conversation and someone agrees with you or reiterates your point; if it were me I would thank them and the same goes for Twitter. In no way are you boasting by thanking the person including you in their conversation. I want my followers to know I appreciate them, that’s why I thank them.

bkmacdaddy

Thanks for the comment, Jennie! You obviously know I agree with you, but thanks for sharing your own viewpoint and reasoning.

http://www.cynthiamedina.net Cynthia Medina

I personally don’t feel the need to be thanked when I RT but with that said, I read that same article and I personally didn’t agree with that part of it either. I agree with your point of view. To me this comes back to the basics, how you were raised and the manners and values you were instilled. Even though I don’t expect a thank you when I RT it does feel nice to receive it. BTW, I found this article because of a RT and you now have a new follower in me.

bkmacdaddy

“Even though I don’t expect a thank you when I RT it does feel nice to receive it.”
That statement says a lot to me. I hope people aren’t expecting a thanks, because that could lead to disappointment or even anger if they don’t receive one. But it sure feels nice when you receive one!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Cynthia!

http://www.kgcreative.com Kevin Garcia (@kg_creative)

You know, i think it’s largely dependent on how the thank you is handled. If I start the thanks with an @username, it ensures that only that person, and our mutual followers receive it. Conversely, if I were to say “Thank you so much to @username @username and @Username for your RT’s” – that could be seen as boastful/namedropping. I would also argue that frequency makes a difference.

http://owng.net countzeero

Very good point Mr Garcia. I will bear that in mind when thanking people. I still refuse to think that saying thanks could be self-serving (because that´s not why I do it) but the @reply will reduce noise “in the stream”.
bkmacdaddy

I totally agree, Kevin. Although I must admit I still don’t completely understand who sees what when an @reply is sent out, I think it is definitely considerate to do whatever we can to insure the least amount of cluttering up the stream. Which yet again demonstrates the true intention of saying thank you as opposed to “Look at how terrific I am everyone!”
Thanks for the advice and viewpoint!

http://www.twitter.com/Fancy_Lad Nate Towne

I never expect to get a “thank you” for a RT – but I do expect to build a stronger relationship with the author of the tweet. If I’m constantly RT your tweets, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to follow me or occasionally RT some of my sagacity if it fits within your realm. That’s just good relationship building, plain and simple. To expect a “thank you” in return is a bit arrogant, but of course I never turn down a well intentioned “thanks” ever.

bkmacdaddy

My reply was a little delayed because I went over to Twitter and followed you!
Thanks for the comment Nate and it’s a very good point, I believe. The whole idea behind this RT & social media thing is to be social, so of course it stands to reason to hope that the “thanks” and RTs should both birth some type of progressive interaction. I can attest to the fact that this does happen with me and those others that desire community. Of course, some are in it for the resources or other motivations so the interaction is a distraction for them. I understand their viewpoint too. But I think you’re right to expect some type of relationship building when you RT – at the very least a genuine “thanks”!

http://www.ionacosmetics.co.uk Jude Robinson

I won’t do a long reply but simply to say, it’s called ‘courtesy’ when you thank people. It’s not being egotistical. Enough said . Great topic though matey xxx

bkmacdaddy

Thanks for the input. I obviously agree with your assessment.

http://nataliav.me/no-more-public-thanks Natalia Ventre

I’ve written about this topic too. I think that “RT thanx” tweets are too noisy. The article you quoted is too hard, but I agree with the overall concept.

bkmacdaddy

Finally someone responds who has another viewpoint! I appreciate you sharing. I think it’s hard to address your point without pointing to all of the other comments here that overwhelmingly disagree with you. The main reason I wrote this post was to hear others’ opinions and get a general consensus. It appears that the people have spoken pretty clearly, since you are the only one who has said the RT thanx is too noisy. And the beauty of it is that you can act upon your opinion by deciding who to follow, not follow and whether or not you want to thank anyone! I think it’s great to continue to exercise the freedoms that Twitter allows us in our own independent ways. I just hope we will each be considerate enough to refrain from trying to tell others what they should or shouldn’t do.

http://www.bloggodown.com gautam hans

I think i prefer thanking for rts that ways they might get noticed as people who retweet content and read them. So this is like a thank you for retweeting and giving the mention back.

bkmacdaddy

A good point, my friend. And one that others have mentioned also. It appears there is value beyond simple politeness to the RT Thanks!

http://thezargon.org fjfonseca

The Short answer to this is: yes

Why? I will try to be as pragmatic as possible:

1. You make a Tweet.
2. Username A makes a RT of that Tweet
3. Username B RT the RT of Username A
4. Username B is not following you
5. Username B sees a lot of your Tweets being RTed by Username A
6. Username B starts following you

It is only fair that you thank Username A for the RTs he/she is making of your content. It gets more exposure to your Tweets and will engage you with more followers that you will probably follow back.

RTs are the best way to Spot content outside of your followers list.

And that is why the short answer, in my humble opinion, is yes.

bkmacdaddy

Thank you for a great step by step and succinct explanation. I agree!

http://andcounting.adamkellogg.com Adam

I understand what you’re saying, but here’s a few things to consider about how your communication can send messages you never intended:

1. You reply to just about every comment on your blog. When only a couple of people comment, that’s understandable. But when it’s a long string of comments, it indicates maybe a slight propensity to wanting to control the conversation. By commenting on every single post, you might inadvertently be telling readers you won’t allow anyone to disagree with you without a fight. This can also prevent people from feeling comfortable talking with each other–your guests aren’t free to talk amongst themselves, many of them might feel forced to engage in dozens of individual conversations with you and only you.

2. You admit to being stubborn and unlikely to admit you’re wrong–if any of your followers pick up on this (maybe they’ve witnessed you arguing over small disagreements) they are probably hesitant to publicly disagree with you on something you feel so strongly about. Usually people in your camp are much more likely than your dissenters to offer public commentary, a trend that is only enhanced if you tend to be argumentative.

3. Lost in the “obviously you thank people for doing something nice” argument is the inherent implication that you view an RT as a favor. There’s a further implication there that make some people cringe and others say, “duh” to: What you want out of twitter is more followers, more exposure, more recognition.

Thanking people for an RT is an acknowledgment that you view the RT as beneficial to you. Maybe it’s flattering. Maybe it’s just nice to have someone find your words worth repeating. Of course you’d thank someone for that! But to some people (be they cynical, paranoid, or just plain irritable) thanking for an RT is an acknowledgment that it’s what you wanted all along. Like you’re saying, “Thanks for the RT, I was hoping someone would repeat it.” It’s drawing attention to your desire for more publicity.

That doesn’t have to be your motive for people to perceive it as such. It’s just one of those unfortunate byproducts of mass communication.

I struggle with this question, because on one hand I feel like if I say nothing to thank people, I’m a jerk who is totally ignoring a flattering gesture; if I DM them, I feel like I’m intentionally avoiding mentioning them in public, as if to say, “Yes, I do crave more attention and more RTs, but I don’t want any of my glory to reflect back on you,” which just feels creepy; if I publicly thank them for the RT in an @ reply, I feel like I’m just calling attention to myself.

So I feel uneasy about the issue in general. I guess I’m just insecure when it comes to public praise; always have been, probably always will. My approach is still evolving, but I can understand both sides of the issue. Here’s my current approach (which I’m sure will change within the month):

If someone RTs a link to my blog, I thank them. I wanted people to read my blog, which is why I posted a link to it–I don’t feel bad about that because the most I ever do it is a couple times in one day.

If someone RTs with a comment (ie they were just giving their audience the context of their response) I respond if the occasion calls for it.

If someone RTs something I RTd, I do nothing.

If someone I know RTs a post of mine that stood on its own, I try to acknowledge the gesture with a comment that adds to the idea and a general spirit of gratitude and friendship.

If someone I don’t know RTs, I check to see if they’re a bot. If not, I usually will follow them, thank them for the RT and add a positive comment about their recent posts I just discovered.

But I might be thinking about all this waaay too much.

bkmacdaddy

Fantastic response, Adam! I don’t agree with everything you’ve said, but I am thrilled that you put the time and thought into this comment that you obviously did. As you pointed out, it is in my nature to now respond point-by-point. But I want to avoid that. I do however want to touch on one thing. You said my desire to respond to almost every comment on my blog can be interpreted as trying to control the conversation. I find that intriguing when another comment in this same post (Johnny, up above yours) interprets this is a sign of the good person that I try to be. I must admit I never looked at it the way you have, and really try to comment to encourage repeat visits, community and interaction. But you have reminded me how so many different people can interpret every little thing in countless different ways. My approach in the past has been to try to accommodate for this, but I have learned through many experiences that it is a fruitless effort and in the end I must strive for my own integrity in the things I do. Some will interpret it as I intended and some will not. But my responsibility is not their interpretation. My responsibility is the integrity of my intention.
A friend of mine sent me this quote this week:
“The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think.” (Edwin Schlossberg)
Your well-thought-out response flatters me to believe I have succeeded in accomplishing that creation with this post. Thank you!

http://andcounting.adamkellogg.com Adam

I really appreciate how you received my comments. Yours is an excellent approach because you’re right: if you stay true to your good intentions, over the course of time your intended message speaks much louder than the subtle, overwrought misinterpretations people may have. I know some people who never reply to comments because they don’t want to interrupt the thought flow. They reply via email or in subsequent posts. Yet others try to comment on just about every thought in their comment thread–all of them are thoughtful, sensitive people who use two different approaches to foster a sense of community. And they do it successfully.

You seem very much to fit in that same category, and I applaud you. You took my point well: people can interpret good messages in negative ways–but you can’t please everyone. Thanks for the great discussion.

Heather

Brian,

I read the post and actually think that the author, has some good points, but in my eyes is wrong on many levels about this one…

Tweeting about lunch plans, politics, religion, thanking people publicly, cryptic replies??

I think these are all fine, Twitter has a lot of noise and as if you choose to follow a mass amount of people you have to be able to shut some of it off sometimes.

People do feel happy when you thank them for actually listening to your twitter feed long enough to RT something. It is very easy for someone to get on Twitter and essentially talk to themselves…a thank you for RT’ing is a good thing.

There was much more I would like to say about that post but won’t as is does not relate to this one…

I think you are awesome and right on the money on this point…

Keep the Peace!
http://inspiringpixel.com Inspiring Pixel

As I mentioned in my tweet. It does become annoying.
IMHO, if it is your own Tweet/Article link that was RT’ed It is perfectly OK.
But then, doing it at every instant I RT a tweet turns out to be a not so pleasant experience for the person on the other side. Your intentions might be correct and I truly believe they are, but getting a buzz of mention everytime you thank me for an RT is just not done. I liked your stuff, I RT’ed it. End of story.
If you want to show gratitude keep letting such awesome RTable tweets come.
http://couponboa.com couponboa

Vouched for ‘Thank You’ RT.

It’s a good social gesture and don’t we thank people, when they help us in real life anyway!
Sirin Soyoz

Yes I agree but sometimes I feel so shy to thank people for following and re-tweeting as it might make a long list in peoples’ twitter stream. I become a lurker from time to time, although I sincerely thank people on my own.
http://twitter.com/csindependent CO Springs Indy

Would you thank everyone who “Likes” a post on Facebook? No? Then don’t do it on Twitter. Gratitude is great, but there are other ways to show it than to clog up the twitter stream for the rest of us: DM, follow them, email them, mention people in a batch thanks post, etc.

Anonymous

Twitter and Facebook are very different platforms and are therefore used quite differently, at least in my experience. I do, however, try to respond to those who comment on a FB post, for many of the same reasons I thank people on Twitter for their RTs. Many of the people I thank on Twitter even thank me for mentioning them. Thankfully you are able to use Twitter and respond to others (or not) as you see fit, and so am I. Isn’t it great that there are no hard rules we all must follow but instead we can each express and conduct ourselves in the ways we want to?

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