Should Social Media Relationship Rules Be Different Than Real Life?

Mar

Should Social Media Relationship Rules Be Different Than Real Life?

My answer is no. But then, that’s just me. I truly believe you are free to answer differently, and even better, we can co-exist with our differences of opinion and practices. The world is full of people with distinctly differing opinions, belief systems, methodologies and more, and while this can sometimes cause tension, anger and even war, the human race is still here. I see that as proof that we don’t have to all believe and live our lives in exactly the same way in order for society to continue moving forward, online or off. In fact, I believe that society benefits from our differences, as long as we allow and even embrace each other’s freedom to be an individual.

There. I said it. You know where I stand and hopefully have an idea how you personally would answer the question in the title of this post. Now why am I asking it?

This past week on two separate occasions I have been confronted via Twitter regarding my personal policy about who I will or won’t follow. In both cases the parties in question wondered why I did not follow them or others back because they believed I should since they were following me. I have written about this before so I don’t want to rehash it completely, but apparently I need to attempt to make very clear my own stance for those that have questions. My friend @mistygirlph also had a similar issue and wrote about it last week, which leads me to believe there is still a need for the discussion.

First off, I want to make it clear that I try to be the exact same person online as I am offline. I am not so arrogant as to think everyone should do the same. It is simply my value system and it is how I operate. In my “real life” I befriend and build relationships with people who share common interests or for some reason or another I gravitate toward. A good sense of humor, a creative streak, a unique personal fashion style, a particular taste in music – these are just a few of the things that may draw me toward someone that I meet, and may be the catalyst for the beginning of a friendship. Online many of the visual elements do not translate, but those that come out in interactions become even more obvious.

Online I tend to follow or friend people who share common interests (web & graphic design, freelancing, social media, SEO, art, music) or who capture my attention with something they’ve said, an interaction we’ve had or who simply displayed a good sense of humor or a positive approach to life. These are the people I’m interested in engaging with, and these are the people I follow or friend on social media channels and in real life.

I don’t see any point in following someone solely because they followed me. There are plenty of people who follow me that I have absolutely nothing in common with, other than the fact that they may be interested in some of the resources I share. There are also those that follow me who are spammers, bots and those who are more concerned with their follower counts than life itself. Why in the world would I automatically follow these people back and flood my streams with information that I am not interested in?

I am not on social media channels to build my numbers, or to constantly watch them. I don’t go through the list of people I am following to see who is or who is not following me back. Who has time for that? And why? To me that would be like going through my phone bill each month to see if my friends are calling me as much as I call them, and then refusing to call those who were not keeping up.

I follow and friend people for the value they add to my stream – resources, laughs, interactions, quotes, and more. That value does not change whether they are following me back or not – it’s still valuable to me. Does it make me sad or hurt if I find out that someone I interact with or follow and enjoy is not following me? Honestly, sometimes it might for a second or two. But then I remember that everyone uses social media in different ways, and their decisions of who they will or will not follow really have very little to do with me or even possibly their opinion of me.

There are people I respect or admire that I do not follow or friend on Facebook because to me their status updates are noise (Bible verses, quotes, etc.) But that absolutely does not mean I’m not interested in them as a person! My true friends know how I feel about them and would laugh at the thought that not engaging with them on social media would mean a rift in our relationship.

The two who confronted me last week had some things in common:

» They pay a lot of attention to their follower numbers
» They believe that following someone is an act of kindness that should be reciprocated and it is rude or arrogant to not return the ‘favor’
» They believe that everyone else should use social media in the same way they do

When I first started using social media I did get caught up in the numbers of followers or friends I had obtained, but I eventually stopped focusing on the numbers and started paying attention to the people. It was at this point I truly began finding the value of social media and the global connections that can be made. What’s baffling to me is that neither of these people are newcomers to social media and both have large follower counts, yet they are still so concerned about who is following them or not.

If I took this approach in my day to day life, I don’t think I would have any friends. Conditional relationships are flawed from the beginning, and eventually they will fail because someone will not live up to the other’s requirements or expectations. We’re only human, and we need acceptance, tolerance, celebration of differences, freedom and forgiveness if we are going to not only coexist, but thrive as a society. Should not these same values be applied to our online relationships as well?

The element that is most disturbing to me of all of this is their expectation that everyone should follow their rules and do things the same way they do. While I fundamentally disagree, my disagreement dictates that I embrace their freedom to hold firm to this belief. In other words, my belief system says that everyone should be able to do whatever they want however they want, as long as it does not harm or endanger anyone else. I think this is a real life necessity, or else we would all be robots dressed in the same clothes, saying the same things, voting for the same laws and living the same boring lives. However, you are completely welcome to disagree with me, as far as I’m concerned. Isn’t that a beautiful thing? Ah freedom.

Now back to the original question: should social media relationship rules be any different than the rules we have for our daily lives? I don’t think they should, but it is obvious that others do, and I celebrate their freedom to live however they desire. I guess I just wish they didn’t feel the need to confront or insult someone who thinks differently. What do you think?

Categories Social Media, Wanderings | Tags: bkmacdaddy, branding, Brian McDaniel, community, Facebook, networking, personal, philosophy, professional, Social Media, Twitter

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Josh

You are 100% correct. Just because someone follows you is no reason to follow them back. It seems to me that person doesn’t have the right mind set about Twitter. It isn’t about following back, its about following people you find interesting. You don’t have to be a celebrity to have this right, Twitter gives it to everyone when they sign up. And I quote, “Find a few people you want to hear from, then follow them.” It says nothing about following back.
You and mistygirlph are completely in the right.

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Thanks for the vote of support, Josh. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in my thinking (which is, of course, one of the reasons I wrote the post.) I am always trying to learn from others and how they do things. I hope I assist others in doing the same. Thanks for taking the imte to read and comment!

http://www.jesseluna.com Jesse Luna

There are different ways to approach social media and different actions mean different things to people.

For some, following a person on Twitter is like following an RSS feed. Pure data and if you don’t like what you read, you disconnect. In this case, it doesn’t matter if they follow you back.

For some, the follow-back is more like waving at a neighbor. If they don’t respond after a couple of times you may want to write them off and tell them to F-off. But you may not know they have horrible vision and couldn’t see you or a close relative just passed away so they don’t feel like waving and smiling.

The relationship problems begin when one person *expects* something of another and *judges* them based on that. That’s true in social media and in real life.

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

I think you hit the nail on the head, Jesse. The expectations and subsequent judgments are the beginning of the problems in this type of situation. I completely understand as I obviously have my own expectations, which I have to use times like this to remind myself that we ALL have expectations and let’s do our best to respect each others’. Thanks for the insight!

http://www.HartsAtSea.com Barbara

Great post! Who has time to obsess over this? I don’t. Sad that those who feel slighted feel the need to vent on Twitter. Seems like fifth grand antics to me. Thanks for speaking the truth clearly.

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Thank you, Barbara. It can get frustrating and I admit I can get angry or frustrated about it. But writing and discussing it helps me turn it into a learning experience. Hopefully we can all become better people through the process.

http://www.payology.com Pay

I love you. That’s all.

No that’s not all though lol. But I agree with you. Not everybody uses Twitter or any social media online for the same reasons. So when people follow a gazillion people for their reasons, it doesnt mean I have to also. I basically use Twitter like you do. I follow people who I think are interesting, whether they follow me or not. If a person (even if I know them in real life as a friend) floods my timeline with BS, I will unfollow them. Most understand it, if they take it personal, they were never my real friend. I don’t hang with people who take that stuff personal.

But everybody has an opinion, and their right to use whatever stuff in life, to whatever purpose. Live and let live. Peace.

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Thanks for the love! We all can use some.
And thanks for pointing out the real life correlation. I totally agree. Peace to you.

http://v3im.com Shelly Kramer

Most excellent read, sweets. Funny thing, I, like you, RT others often. It is an act of kindness for which I expect no thanks, acknowledgment or anything in return. And when others RT me, I feel the same way. It is an act of generosity, sharing information, a laugh, or a cause. And so when I see people calling you out for not following them because they RT you, it is a massive logic fail for me.

On another front, when I am lucky enough to meet my Twitter friends IRL, you know what … they are EXACTLY as I knew them to be online. And our relationships transcend seamlessly. So I agree with you there as well – online/offline – people are people. The ones we are attracted to don’t need a reason – they just are.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you who your friends should be – and I know you well enough to know that you won’t. What I’ve found is that people are who they are. And the people above are definitely people you wouldn’t want as friends – online or off.

Smooches.

@shellykramer

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Thanks for taking the time to comment, Shelly. I always value your input. You know me well and you know my intentions, so it’s good to hear from someone who identifies with my strengths and weaknesses.
Looking forward to the days when I can meet some of these people – like yourself – in real life and enjoy the in person relationships as much as I do the online ones. You rock!

Loralyn Tate

What is your point? Who cares if they are followed by you or not. Many people are in the social media sphere. What makes you so special? That you are good at ranting about worthless things?

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Hi Loralyn. Thanks for taking the time to read my rant and comment. I hope my point was not so much about me as it is about the general attitudes and approaches to social media. I tend to write based on my own experiences because that’s what I know, but I attempt to talk about a broader impact that some of the ramifications of my own experiences might be relevant to.
I assure you I don’t think I am any more important or special than anyone else – if anything, I probably view myself as less ‘special’ than most. But I do consider myself as someone who can provide value through social media, my writing, my experiences and my attempts at starting discussions we can all (hopefully) learn from.
I think it’s apparent by the excerpts I included above that at least 1 or 2 people care a great deal that I follow them or not. My hope was to bring out the fact that I don’t see the point in caring enough to insult someone when they don’t.
I hope I answered your questions. If not, please feel free to elaborate. My ultimate goal is to learn from others and hopefully become a better person for it. Thanks again for commenting!

http://www.print4apurpose.typepad.com David Moore

Brian, just the fact that you have taken the time to address this matter is an indication of how much you care. If these same people had taken the time to get involved (maybe even be SOCIAL) and engaged you with a tweet, blog response, question, whatever, I know for a fact that things would have turned out differently. You may remember that I actually did a post, Build Trust in 140 Characters or Less, and @bkmacdaddy was the example I used. You didn’t know it at the time when you would not follow them, but their actions clearly confirm that they are not the type that anyone wants to follow.

Secondly, I have two twitter accounts. One I follow most most people except the obvious SPAM. But my second account is highly targeted and purposely kept very small and growth managed carefully. In fact, this weekend I blocked about 30 who were following me that were clearly not related to my target market. Right or wrong those are my choices to make. As you stated, we all have our own way to do social media.

Another great post, my friend. (And I consider myself lucky to get followed by you BEFORE you were a celebrity!)

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

David, you are too kind! You know me well, and you know that I am the last person to ever consider myself a celebrity. Social media has enabled me to connect with some amazing people (like you) and for that I am so grateful. Just so you know, I did try to engage in a discussion with these people and ultimately we just flat out disagree. My end result is to agree to disagree, and I use the experience to try to grow from it and hopefully help others do the same, which is why I did my best to block out any trace to the actual people involved. My purpose is not to point them out or publicly insult them, but to learn from the experience. I sure hope that’s what is happening.

Diana Adams

This post is brilliant. I love it! Truly. Thank you, as always, for your insight.

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Diana, you are a good friend. Thank you – as always – for your support and encouragement. You rock!

http://steveplunkett.com @steveplunkett

This pretty much sums it up…

“They believe that everyone else should use social media in the same way they do”

keep doing your own thing… i will be =)

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Thanks, Steve, for the encouragement and summarizing this post down to the bottom line. Onward and upward!

http://twitter.com/tommyismyname tommyismyname

Recently I went to a high school reunion and I realized something… I have very little interest in what people who at one point were viewed as popular had to say. Not only that, but they were very interested in talking to me once it got out that I was working for myself in social media.

Just because somebody approaches you, or shares your news, doesn’t mean you have to talk to them.

If someone you barely know comes over and muckles on to you at the bar, does that mean you have to follow them around for the rest of the night just because THEY paid YOU some attention… nope.

Screw people who feel like they’re entitled to your friendship. You want to get my attention? Say something interesting…Is that arrogant? Probably. Do you get something out of what I’m saying? Likely. Are you saying something I give a shit about? Well that’s up to you now isn’t it?

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

I literally laughed out loud when I read your comment. Then I read it to my wife who laughed too. This really is the truth minus any sugar coating, eh? Thanks for being up front and not pulling any punches! I agree that being true to yourself can be interpreted as arrogance, but I applaud those who do it. Much better than trying to be someone else, even if some people perceive you as big-headed. Cheers to you!

http://twitter.com/tommyismyname tommyismyname

No problem. Glad to give a good laugh. What I like about your blog is that your posts come from a very authentic viewpoint. There are too many “social media” blogs right now that all have the same cookie cutter voice with the same cookie cutter comments. So hats off… now I’m going to explore your work!

http://mysketchstudio.com Misty Belardo

Of course you already know the answer to the question as far as I am concerned. I totally agree with you here 100% We are all free to do what we think is right for us. We are all unique.

I saw in the interaction between the two people in question, I hope it is okay for me to say that when we Retweet a Tweet we find interesting and we share it with out followers, we do it because it has added value to us and would like to sincerely share it with the people who might not be following you and do not do it because we want to catch the attention so that they will follow us. Or expect to be followed because we retweeted something, that is not the essence of sharing. I hope i made sense. Thank you for the article truly very enlightening and worth sharing.

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Thanks for making that point, Misty. I agree. The economy of “I do this for you so now you must do something for me” is not one I want to take part in. But I also want to encourage those who disagree to do whatever they want! Can’t we all just get along?
Thanks as always for your kind words and input.
http://www.digitalfoc.us/ AJ

I agree with both of you. We never share with the expectation that the people we RT follow us back or anything.

But I empathize with these 2 people above as well somewhat. We RT because it has added value to our understanding and genuinely wish to share that knowledge, like Misty mentioned. In that small way, we are actually saying “I admire this person” or “I look up to him/her” or “I value what they have to say and the way they have said it.”

So I can totally understand how they could become upset. I liken it to having a role model, even in the smallest area – like for the sake of argument, say Brian is my design role model, Misty may be my blogging role model, someone else may be my finances role model, etc. When I RT their content, I’m sort of putting them on this same pedestal in that small area of my life. And so it does genuinely feel good to these individuals when their e-role models follow them back and take an interest in their lives.

And Twitter and social media that has made it possible for the famous celebrity types and the e-celebrity types to interact with those of us who are not-so-famous has made it easier for this interaction to take place. I think the danger is when this becomes an expectation, like in the case of these 2 individuals.

I know I have lost my train of thought from the beginning and rambled haha

I agree with you Brian: we’re all free to use social media however we choose and that’s awesome that we have that freedom. I can also empathize with these 2 individuals though and see where they’re coming from. I’m not really taking either side. I’m just taking the side of freedom, because I’m an American and you can’t go wrong with freedom haha!

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

The bottom line for me, AJ, is that there are no ‘sides’. There should never be. We should all be free – as you suggested – to do as we please while still respecting the same right for everyone else. Thanks for your input, my friend!

http://sheristrykowski.com/ sheri strykowski

Brian *is* special. )

Everyone’s just doing the best they can, having fun (I hope), learning, connecting, getting INSPIRED (figuring out as they go along.

Your blog posts are truly some of the most honest & insightful on Twitter, B. *Appreciate* We are all on this journey together, aren’t we? To each his or her own.

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Awww Sheri, how sweet of you to say so. And thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I always appreciate your input.

http://printedproof.com Christian

Well put. Interesting topic question. I think many people who tweet do so for ONE of two reasons – personal or business. The answer to this question and the way in which you conduct your following/followers will vary greatly depending upon your reason. If you say “both” you would be considered personal. Thanks brian

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Good point, Christian. Obviously there are many different uses people have for Twitter, and I appreciate most of them (except spammers, porn and get-rich-quick schemers). I don’t necessarily agree with every single one, but I’d rather us all have the freedom to use social media however we choose rather than be dictated to use it a certain way. Thanks for weighing in on the discussion, my friend.

http://anessa.me Ann Marie Golombeski

Hey Brian

I agree 110% with you. I want to say I have never found you to be arrogant. The peeps in question have never taken the time to get to know you otherwise, they would have known that. You handled the situation as I knew and expected you to as a person who cares about people. I have had similar experience in real life with someone telling me who I can and cannot be friends with. Please…we are not children nor are we in high school. We get to choose who we are friends with..one of the freedoms in life that we have.

I’m like everyone else I don’t have the time to check out who is following me and who is not. Just because someone is or is not does not mean they don’t like me..it is what it is..we all have our reasoning with why we do things the way we do it. We are individuals..having our own thoughts and ways…I’m not a clone and neither are you…well now that I think about it you a clone of you…

@workingmoms Ann Marie

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Thanks for the support, Ann Marie. I think the point about choosing friends is that some people don’t see contacts/connections on social media as actual relationships, but instead as numbers and target demographics. That probably makes everything a little bit more confusing when their expectations are not met. But again, I believe they are allowed to choose to operate that way all they want. Just don’t expect everyone else to.

http://www.creativeopera.com/2010/web-design-trends-predictions-for-2010/ Manda

I’m with you on this one Brian. I’m lucky because I haven’t had the negative response you’ve had (I’m obviously not as famous as you ha ha!) from my followers who I haven’t followed back. Although, I need to be better about going through my followers more often to check them out and follow some back, I don’t follow everyone back.

For me, Twitter is a news source, a support group, and a collaborative office environment for me as a freelance designer. I can’t stare at TweetDeck all day — I’m working! So I limit the number of people I follow by the “quality” of their tweets. I use quotations on quality because it is only based on my own personal standards. I look for other designers and other design bloggers who tweet about things that are design-related and who are open to sharing with the design community on Twitter.

There are MANY of my followers who I find entertaining, funny, interesting, and extremely personable, and I always respond to @ messages (if I’m online). But, for me, the point of Twitter would be lost if I followed EVERYONE. TweetDeck would be so crowded that I wouldn’t be able to listen. I wouldn’t be able to pick out the design-related tweets in between the others. I’m not sure how those who were complaining to you feel about it, but I feel like the real value in Twitter (for me) is the information I receive, not the information I send out. And, for me to take advantage of that, I need to keep those I follow to a select few.

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Excellent points, Manda! I truly would like to know how those that follow tens of thousands keep up with them. I don’t mean that as a rhetorical question or sarcasm – I REALLY want to learn how they do it! I, too, need to devote at least a little more time to going through my new followers’ profiles and following back – something I have fallen WAY behind in. But in the meantime, I am receiving so much information it’s already hard to keep up. Thanks again for your input and insight.

http://twitter.com/loripop326 loripop326

Hi Brian;

I will admit happily to being one of those people that follows you because I have an interest in the content that you share. I follow a number of web design streams because the subject interests me.

However, as a non-designer myself, I would have nothing of value to offer any of them and thus don’t expect them to follow me back.

I started off following a lot of the really well known content tweeters, but even some of those I have since unfollowed. Not because I dislike them or don’t respect what they do, but because there was just too much.

Instead, I follow people with similar interests as me who follow and retweet those high-rate folks.

I guess it’s not the nicest thing to say, but I use some of my follows to help me to weed out content that I’m not interested in.

It gives me a cleaner feed – one that I can more easily manage and engage in – and I get great content, too.

I felt bad about that in the beginning, until I realized that I actually hope that some of the people that choose to follow me use me in the same way.

~Lori

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Lori – that’s an awesome example of why NOT to follow everyone back, and how, from your viewpoint, it makes perfect sense. Thanks for following me and thanks for sharing!

http://rickstilwell.wordpress.com Rick

Heard this during a webinar/teleconference a few weeks ago, can’t remember the attribution:

“If you suck in real life, you’ll suck online.”

Words to tweet by.

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

hehe…thanks for that. ‘Nuff said.

http://bonscrapatitdesigns.blogspot.com Linda Walton aka bobbysgirlforever

Brian, I am awaiting your first book to be published! You amaze me at the way you convey the truth in every subject you write about and you always do so in such a diplomatic manner that I, personally, would never find it to be offensive to anyone reading. If anyone is offended, they have issues!

While it has been said that “Love makes the world go ’round”, I believe diversity stands right beside it!

My children/family/friends have often heard me say over the years that if we were all of one mind, we’d be robots and life would be B-O-R-I-N-G! We are all unique individuals, thank goodness and this is what makes life SO interesting and exciting!

I especially love your next to the last paragraph, can you tell?

Even if I don’t agree with what another person thinks, I have come away with a different point-of-view and something to stimulate my brain for the day, week, month or, perhaps, even my lifetime!

If anyone would be considered arrogant here, it would be those questioning your social media practices. I consider you a social media guru and thank you for all that you have shared with us/me!

I always find you refreshing (even when having to touch on a topic you have in the past, such as this one!)and there has never been a doubt in my mind that you are exactly the same person online and off. Touche’. I believe that we should be the same person no matter where we are or what we are doing!

May your week be all that you wish it to be … and then some!

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Thank you, Linda, for all your support and your insight here. You know I am no guru – just a guy learning this stuff and figuring it out like everyone else. However, the book idea is one I have been thinking about lately. Maybe you have given me a little push? I always appreciate your upbeat, contagious attitude that comes through so clearly in your comments. Thanks so much again for contributing!

http://www.admixweb.com Teylor Feliz

I have the same experience than you. I have a friend in Facebook that tag me in all the pictures of alcohol and I don’t even drink, however if somebody go to my profile will see lot of photos of that. What I decide is to block him as a friend and delete all my pictures that he has with rum, whiskey, etc.

A thought, Do those people do the same with Barak Obama, Bill Gates, Oprah, etc?

There are a lot “Entrepreneurs” that just full your screen with stupid information. Do we need to add them as friend just because they follow us when they are just robots to publish everything and ads they want?

Do I have to follow back people from Brazil that only write in Portuguese even if I do not understand what they say?

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Hehe…good points, Teylor. It can get a bit frustrating, eh? Hopefully we can all learn and grow together and get better at doing this social media thing in a way that empowers us without offending those around us.

http://www.PartyLite.biz/ejohnson Elyse Worth

I totally agree with your post, why should we all follow everyone that follows us. I never look at my numbers, never really cared how many followers I have, or friends on facebook, I just like to get to know like minded individuals.
Thanks for sharing, great post.

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Thanks, Elyse. I agree. It is not hard to get distracted by the numbers for many of us (myself included) but they really are not the point. The relationships, the connections, the sharing and interaction – that is where the true value is. At least for you and me.

http://www.evolutionarydesigns.net/blog element321

Brian,

Great post, I have to agree with you on this. I am still pretty new at using Twitter and at one time I did care about the followers and if I should follow them back, just because.

But now I only care about the ones that will engage, create great content, or tweets or RTs great links.

Now I really do not care if I follow someone back. If they are bots they will unfollow me in 2 or 3 days. I generally watch all new followers through their streams using TweetDeck’s new follow columns. If they have value I will follow. So now I am currently cleaning out users that provide no value to what comes through my stream and slowly removing those that are bots and those that just take up space in the stream that annoy me. When looking for new followers, I try pick users that have interesting bios, tweets or in the niches that I am involved with.

As for you Tweets, they are great. I am glad you shared your views on social media. Me, I personally do not care if you RTed my Tweets or not, if you follow me back, or if you knew that I RTed your links. You share a lot of great information. As for those that complain about what you do and do not do is just a waste of time for everyone. What you do works for you and you shouldn’t change it.

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Thanks James. I appreciate your input. I think we all get caught up in the numbers at some point, especially if we are using social media to drive traffic to a site or for some other marketing tactic. But it doesn’t take long for many of us to realize the true value of the people and the relationships. That has been the greatest unexpected revelation for me, and now all that I gain and the connections I have made through social media are priceless! Keep on keeping on, my friend.

http://www.twitter.com/jchronowski47 Juanita

I don’t follow everyone back. I figure I tweet things other people like to read then they follow. If they don’t tweet things I read why should I follow. I am pretty diverse. So I follow a lot. But sometimes ppl read my stream and RT me and their stream is mostly not family friendly or very targeted and my followers will not care about getting a RT of one of their tweets (I try to RT in kind) So I don’t follow and I do shoot off a thanks for the mention or RT to the poster. It is just plain manners. Now I probably would have a backlog to thank if I was a celebrity, so some of them get a pass. I don’t mind. And some celebs don’t interact at all. I have been stalked in person twice in my life I understand. But I figure most people who want to interact will not be stalkers and those that will stalk will stalk anyway. Just tweeting at all is enough for those types. imho So to each his own. But if you would like for me to follow you back and for some reason it means a lot to you you can always just ask. Will you follow me? But you may get a ‘sorry not interested, but thanks for your interest in me’ reply back.

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Juanita. One of the things I have started doing is asking my followers to let me know if they know I’m not following them and would like me to. I realize this could put them on the spot, but it has helped me connect with some new people. I have also seen some people with larger numbers simply tweet out a request for new followers to connect somehow with a @reply message or something, so I know I’m not alone in this. But as you (and others) have said, to each his/her own. Whatever works best for you is what you should do, IMHO.

Gurmander Singh Kohli

I am so delighted I found this page. Very interesting people talking about interesting experiences.

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Glad you’re here too. Thanks for stopping by!

http://www.daniellelanyard.com Danielle

I always love your posts, Brian. But I really have to rant in response…what is this ‘real’ world vs. other worlds. What part of our world isn’t real? What part of anything on this Earth isn’t composed of the same atoms as anything else?

Everything is fair game everywhere on the planet. If one is ‘hiding’ behind a firewall’, or avatar, is that not real? Of course it is. I look forward to the day when the social media shark has jumped and that we all own up to be accountable to ourselves and each other, everywhere, all the time, regardless of the medium of what world we come from or what world we think we are in.

Happy to keep it real with you, Brian, in this great world of ours!

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Danielle, you have gone beyond the surface here and found the true point – the answer to the title’s question is “no”, because there truly are not two different worlds! Those that choose to behave one way in a certain environment and another at a different time would, in any other context would be called “two-faced”. So why have multiple personalities or social behaviors online and offline? I realize for many this is how they have chosen to operate, but for me you will find I am the same person in any context. You may not like me, but you will always get the true me.
Thanks for your enlightening comment, Danielle!

http://twitter.com/Sally_G Sally G.

I’ve never had my words referred to as ‘pithy’ before ~ so I felt compelled to respond!

People who define themselves, their worth and their meaning from the outside in will always care about reciprocated follows, balanced RTs, etc.

People who define the meaning and significance of their Twitter presence by what they, themselves offer and contribute, or – the inside out, will not give issues like this too much of their energy or attention as it ultimately distracts them from their purpose of valuable contribution.

That’s my experience, anyway …

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

Hehe…I liked the pithy reference. Thanks for the smile, Sally.

Very profound and succinct. As far as I’m concerned, you hit the nail on the head. Bravo!

http://twitter.com/Sally_G Sally G.

I ‘looked you up’ after commenting ~ and offer the following for consideration as well: To what degree do the rules ‘change’ when you’re considered a celebrity-of-sorts?

You have almost 4 times more people following you than you follow yourself. That registers you as a ‘valuable resource’ or ‘opportunity’ to those who would love to be visible to your network.

I’ve noted a few ‘twitter celebrities’ speak to annoyance with the assumption that they’ll allow themselves to be ‘used’ as promotional vehicles for others who aren’t necessarily reciprocating meaningful value.

My initial response stands – your actions will dictate your own intrinsic beliefs and purpose. However, an interesting question might be: When a Tweeter becomes a Celebweeter ~ is there an underlying assumption that they owe more to the masses?

http://www.bkmacdaddy.com bkmacdaddy

I think that’s a great question (and possibly another blog post). For me, I don’t think the numbers of followers or following have anything to do with how I operate. My Twitter usage has evolved as I’ve learned how to integrate it into what I do and for my purposes (education, connection, interaction and sharing resources.) But it has not changed based on those numbers at all (as far as I can tell.) I think the underlying assumption you speak of is probably real for some, and something to seriously consider. However, I stand firm on my top priority being true to yourself first, then let others influence and educate you as you see fit. But no one will ever dictate to me that I ‘owe’ them something just because I have a certain amount of followers. I believe I have ‘earned’ those followers by being who I am and offering of myself and my time unconditionally. It has been a lot of hard work up to this point, albeit enjoyable!
Something else that’s interesting in this discussion is that both of those mentioned in my post who expressed their issues with me actually have a significantly larger amount of followers than I do, so I would consider them more ‘Celebtweeters’ than myself. I truly don’t think I’m even close to that status (nor am I sure I would ever want it) as there are so many others with tens and even hundreds of thousands of followers (if that’s what makes someone a ‘Celebtweeter’).
I like that your thoughts have got my wheels turning and thinking about things I haven’t thought about before – that’s one of the main reasons I write this blog! Thank you!

http://twitter.com/Sally_G Sally G.

Perhaps, then, I was looking through the wrong end of the telescope! This would not be the first time Celebrities have over-stepped ‘appropriate boundaries’ from the delusion that basic societal constructs are beneath them.

I thank you for chatting w/ me ~ I’ve really enjoyed the exchange! Look forward to the next one …
http://kgcreative.com Kevin

Some people have waay too much ego attached to their online activities. It’s like, by not following them, you are somehow personally insulting them.

I know I often will look thorugh my following list and get rid of people who add extra noise, or content i’m not interested in. It’s not personal, but if I don’t do that, then it’s less likely that I will have good high quality content to share.
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http://www.behance.net/rafaellanunes Rafaella Nunes

I really don’t thing you should follow someone just because they follow you – there’s no point in doing that. I think you should follow people who tweet about something that you are interested on. I mean, I RT you all the time, but most of my tweets are in portuguese, and there’s lots of girlie stuff. I’ve never expected you to follow me at all, and I really don’t think one should take this personally. Besides, everytime I contacted you, you were really kind to me – RT and following don’t mean a thing, but being kind makes all the difference. You’re a nice guy BK, and honestly, you have your work, your marriage, and your kids to worry about – and that’s real life. These guys are just being stupid.
http://creativelydonedesign.com Don Rogers

Pretty interesting topic Brian. I find myself following people less & less everyday, because so many want to sell me something. I use twitter to pass along information that I find interesting and want to share. I like it when conversations grow from those tweets or retweets.

The people I follow now are mostly interested in design, art, music… I like learning, so I read newsletters, tutorials and blogs then pass it on. I always checkout people before I follow them: their website, what they tweet about and/or profiles. Because I take time to do this, there are several people I don’t follow back. I’ve had “people” follow me (emails) everyday for a week or follow me, then send a direct message “Let us know what design work we can do for you.” I guess they didn’t checkout my own profile… Now, I still follow people back if they seem interesting, funny or creative. These are my Pithy Words on the subject and seeing it’s really late they probably don’t make sense.
@creativelydone
SakuraNuts

I totally agree with you. Not everybody uses social media for the same reasons, even I do not use the different ones for same intentions. I use facebook for the applications so I accept people who like to “play”, I use Twitter like you do, following people who I think are interesting (even if they not follow me back). I dont follow everyone that follows me and i follow people that are not my followers. So what? I not follow all the people that I know in real life, too. I use Orkut to stay in touch with people that i actually I know in real life so I do not accept anyone that I dont know.
So, 100% agree with you.
But like you said, everyone has an opinion, and the right to use social media like they like and the right to be mad with me if they like it too. I will not be mad with them

SakuraNuts

Sorry for my english

http://rbkartworks.com Renee Brisson-Khan

I didn’t realize so many people still felt so strongly about this on Twitter. I thought it was a general accepted thing that you are not obligated to follow anyone who follows you…
It’s too bad people don’t see the true potential of having great content streamed to you that you are interested in. Diluting it with all the additional chatter would take something away from the experience and in my opinion totally put me off of using it.
To each his/her own I guess.
http://windmillnetworking.com Neal Schaffer

Thank you for this excellent contribution to our understanding of social media. You are absolutely right: the same etiquette and policies that exist offline shouldn’t be any different online. I sometimes have slight differences because, like you said, your real friends are your real friends whether you friend them on Facebook or not. But anyone who has to ask you to follow them back is someone that I would be tempted to block.

I started off on Twitter following everyone who followed me back. Then I started receiving the spam, not just in tweets, but in Direct Messages as well. I have stopped following those users and only follow back those that I think are “real” and add value as you suggest.

The problem with some social media, especially Twitter though, is that there are a lot of people using the site not as a “social” site but with a pure “media” perspective, i.e. they just want to broadcast at you. Needless to say, this is not what social media was intended for nor should become.

Anyways, just wanted to let you know that you are of the norm and those people aggravating you are in the minority. Thanks again for the post…and sorry it took me a few weeks to find you

@NealSchaffer
http://www.imagineyourreality.com/blog Taylor Ellwood

Good article on social behavior. I think sometimes businesses and people in general focus too much on trying to use social media for business or as a numbers game, without really considering the social and behavioral aspects. This article does a good job of explaining why its important to do that.
http://www.astonishinglifestyle.com/ Relationship problems

its about following people you find interesting. You don’t have to be a VIP to have this right, Twitter gives it to everyone when they sign up.
http://www.carlamoreno.com Carla Moreno

I completely agree with you. I’m all about relationship building and engaging with people. THAT’s common courtesy, not the expectation that if I follow you, you follow me. Social media is wonderful and fun, but it’s still all about RELATIONSHIPS! thanks again for posting this.

Should Social Media Relationship Rules Be Different Than Real Life?

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