Don’t Let Your Bad Attitude Or Ethics Ruin It For The Rest Of Us!

The other night my wife and I went to our eldest daughter’s high school basketball game to cheer her on. We took our regular spot up at the top of the bleachers so we could lean back against the wall rather than slouching on the hard wood for the entire game. As we settled in, we noticed a few parents from the other team had the same idea and were setting up camp about 15 feet away. We commenced with the standard smile and nod acknowledgements and then turned our attention to the beginning of the contest. What transpired over the next hour inspired a range of emotions, from anger to frustration to disappointment. And I’m not talking about what happened on the court.

From tip-off to final buzzer, the opposing team parents spent the entire game berating the referees, complaining and shouting about what they perceived as terrible officiating and one-sided foul-calling. From their perspective every call that went against their team was wrong and apparently an offense to humanity itself. Of course, every foul called against their opponent was, in their expert and superior opinion, a “good call” and they made sure to shout loudly about how the refs “finally got that one right” and how it was “about time”. In between shouts, the parents would turn to each other and talk about how awful the referees were doing, not once pausing from their abuse and name-calling to say anything positive about anything.

About halfway through the game my wife and I started discussing these parents and how their terrible attitudes were ruining our experience. We considered walking over and asking them to keep it down, but quickly determined that, given the blatant display of their lack of ethics and possibly even intelligence, this action would only inspire them to increase their volume and intensify their resolve. Instead we decided to turn our focus on the game as best as we could and tune out the stupidity that was occurring on our left. It was a struggle the entire time and by the game’s end we were almost more excited about the escape from the gym than the fact that our daughter’s team won.

Yes, I know referees are seldom anyone’s friend at a sporting event, especially if your team is losing. And I know it’s not uncommon to look for someone to blame for the loss other than the team itself. But this was a high school basketball game, not the Super Bowl. The ramifications of the outcome have little more effect on those involved than a celebration with friends or a momentary disappointment that most of the kids would overcome by the time they changed out of their uniforms. Shouldn’t these parents be supporting and encouraging and cheering on their kids – the ones they supposedly came to watch – rather than polluting the atmosphere with their negativity and exampling poor sportsmanship to the impressionable kids in the gym?

The experience brought to mind some things I have been thinking about in other contexts, which brings me to the point of this post. Yes, we live in a world where most of us have the freedom to express ourselves, our emotions, our personal preferences and so on to our heart’s content. But how we choose to use (or abuse) these freedoms will most likely have some type of impact on those around us.

We have a responsibility to the community of any context we find ourselves in to influence it in a positive way, or at the very least to do our best to refrain from impacting it in a negative way.

Here are some communities I am a part of that some people are negatively impacting along with some simple suggestions for ways to improve.

SOCIAL MEDIA

I am a pretty active member of the Twitter community (and sometimes Facebook.) These arenas are often abused by spammers, over-zealous marketers, self-professed “experts” and others who may think they have good intentions but fail to realize how their actions impact others’ experience. There are countless blog posts (including several of my own) that call these community members and their practices out with reminders that social media is supposed to be social – an interaction among people building relationships and connections based on sharing and communication – and not the broadcasting, self-serving platform they attempt to make it. So I won’t regurgitate but just ask that we all think about how our behavior on social networks impacts those around us. Use whatever social media influence you have to help and encourage others – not just try to sell your product or services.

FREELANCERS

I recently started writing for FreelanceFolder and it has raised my awareness of some freelancers’ attitudes that clients are lucky to have them. A few go so far as to continually berate their clients publicly and treat them as incompetent jerks who have no clue. Personally, I am grateful for my clients and I’m indebted to them giving me the ability to live the freelancer’s life – working from home, freedom of schedule, and more. Every time I read or hear about another “stupid client” I cringe at the thought that a potential client may also take this in and change their mind about hiring a freelancer at all. I’m not suggesting rolling over and taking the abuse that someone may delve out so that you as a freelancer can get that elusive paycheck, but think about how you talk about others and your responsibility to the freelance community. Being a freelancer gives us great freedoms but it doesn’t give us the right to trample on another freelancer’s ability to be hired by that client you may have had a bad experience with. I suggest finding ways to share your bad (and good) experiences that encourages healing and growth rather than recklessly venting.

DESIGNERS

This is very similar to the previous point but worth mentioning. There are numerous client horror stories, hilarious YouTube videos and more depicting clients who know nothing about design telling web and graphic designers how to do their job. I confess to sharing some of these myself. But while this happens far more often than most of us would like to encounter, is it really necessary to beat these people to a pulp and go to great lengths to make sure everyone knows how stupid we think they are? When I step back and look at the damage this does to the reputation of the design community I am disappointed. I have tried in the past and will continue to endeavor to do my part to find ways to bridge the gap between designers and clients that encourages teamwork, productivity, mutual respect and constructive communication. Isn’t that a better prospect than to breed a reputation of prima donnas and designer divas who are far too artistic and talented and superior for anyone else?

BLOGS

I just started this blog in June so I don’t profess to be much of an expert. But one of the ongoing trends in design-related blogs is the roundup lists. Again, there have been numerous discussions and bog posts about this so I will avoid rehashing it here, but while I am not a huge fan of the lists I realize their importance and I use and share many of the great resources that some of these lists provide. However, there are definitely a few design blogs out there that decrease the value and appreciation of lists in general because all they do is put a bunch of screenshots up of the same resources that other lists have shared with little or no original content or input of the author’s own. It seems that the primary intent of these lists is to increase website traffic and generate advertising income, rather than to provide a quality resource for the blog readers. I suggest to bloggers that we examine the value we are attempting to provide for others as we create our posts and strive to avoid being motivated solely by the almighty dollar. The community as a whole will be better off.

CONCLUSION

The list of communities that we are all a part of goes on and on. Local, global, musicians, sports fans, religious, and so on. It probably doesn’t take you long to examine your particular communities and identify those members that are impacting them negatively and positively. Think about these people and how their actions have affected you and your participation in your communities. And then I encourage you to look at your own actions and the influence you have had in your various contexts. Do others see you as self-serving, yelling and screaming at the refs all game long? Do the things you do and the way you behave make others want to leave the gym altogether? Or are you a part of cultivating a community and its reputation that is attractive and magnetic, spurring growth and a desire among others to join and be a part of something truly powerful, progressive and positive?