As businesses, professionals and individuals frantically scramble to keep from being left behind in the latest technological phenomenon of global virtual communities that have been collectively coined “social media”, the wide-eyed and wondering search everywhere for answers. As with all revolutions past – only multiplied by the miraculously rapid pace at which real-time communication and information disbursement occurs – the common laws of the emerging society appear to be caught up in a free-for-all battle fought between self-proclaimed experts, early-adopting renegades, ground-breaking pioneers, drooling capitalists and everyone else who refuses to end up classified as living under the proverbial rock.

Over the past few weeks I have been asked some very interesting questions by various relative newcomers who for some reason believe I may be one who has the inside track on how things are done. Most of these people don’t realize that only 6 months ago I did not have a single social media account. I don’t know if someone recommended me to them, or they are just looking at my numbers, or they have seen my name in certain circles, or any other reason that would lead them to seek me out as one who would have the answers. All I know is that there is a common thread to their questions, and it has led me to write this post to hopefully answer them all simultaneously.

They all want to know what “the rules” are.

We’re not talking about technical questions like “How do I make a fan page on Facebook?” or “What does ‘RT’ mean?”

Really what they’re asking is for the rules of etiquette.

Emily Post would have made a killing if she were alive to write a book on social media etiquette. The problem is that everyone who sees the potential to make that killing for themselves is seizing the opportunity and cranking out books and blog posts with catchy titles and self-imposed empirical authority, attempting to wrangle the wild online frontier into a nice neat little package that is palatable and manageable and under control. And financially fruitful.

Does anyone else see that these emperors are wearing no clothes?

I’m not writing this to bash others. There is already plenty being written with aims to tear down ‘experts’ and ‘gurus’ and reveal their nakedness to the previously blind and uninitiated. Besides, I believe that everyone is entitled to their own approaches and opinions as long as they don’t endanger those around them. It’s that second part that forces individual freedoms to intertwine with the consideration of others which in turn forms the foundations of what we call “society”.

Society, according to Merriam-Webster’s, is an enduring and cooperating social group whose members have developed organized patterns of relationships through interaction with one another; a community, nation, or broad grouping of people having common traditions, institutions, and collective activities and interests.

If social media is the obvious chosen communication method of a newly emerging society, which I believe in the most organic and rudimentary sense is true, then does it not by definition consist of a community of people having common traditions, institutions, and collective activities and interests?

Traditions

Traditions by nature take time to form. Yes, most of the more popular social media channels have been around long enough to form some of their own traditions. But how did they get there? By the people who were involved in creating them. No one wrote out a list of traditions – they just came into existence because people wanted them or spurred them on. And different ‘families’ create their own traditions, which are not necessarily taken on as the traditions of the global community.

Institutions

Facebook. Twitter. YouTube. Flickr. Digg. FriendFeed. Blogs. And so on…everyone has their primary favorite, and they are drawn to it because the other people that are also drawn to it start with that basic commonality. Together these institutions are the online society, and they are the media choices of the social beings.

Activites and Interests

Obviously we are all interested in the activity of social media. The immediate bond is formed based on this primitive need for community – to share ourselves, our lives, our thoughts, our hopes, our experiences with others. No one wants to be alone, and the social media revolution enables us all to find ways to be around others even when we are alone in our own home or workplace.

The Key: Collective

As I see it, the key to best understanding how to move forward in uncharted territory is to contribute to the collective formation of it.

Who makes the rules in your life? Yes, there are laws that our elected officials and forefathers have made throughout the years to govern our society. But who put those leaders in place? You did. I did. Our ancestors and neighbors did.

Society put the leaders in place. And where society did not, the opportunists swooped in and found ways to fill the voids and push their own agendas until they too became a part of the social norm.

I believe this is where each of us who are asking how to do this thing stands now – on the precipice of a decision.

Who will make the rules of how you conduct yourself in this revolutionary online society? Will you allow the popular, the well-studied and informed, and the early adopters dictate your behavior to the point that your online presence looks unsettlingly more like theirs and less like your own? Will you blindly follow the advice of the measurably “successful” until your own personality is unrecognizable behind the skin you have cloned and stitched yourself into?

It’s like high school all over again. Do I want to fit in with the jocks, the cheerleaders, the stoners, the skaters, the geeks, or the preps? Once I decide, I’ll buy the required wardrobe and adjust my behavior accordingly until they realize I am one of them. Never mind that I’ve forgotten who I really am

Not me.

It may come as no surprise to you, but when I went to high school I created my own style (sort of a mix of preppy argyle and San Francisco ghetto pimp – can you picture that? Me either. Give me a break. It was the 80s.) Yes, at first I was a loner. A bit of an outcast. No one knew where to put me! I didn’t fit their classifications and I challenged their system. But eventually those that appreciated individuality, integrity, creativity and confidence were drawn to me. They didn’t make me their leader. Because we didn’t need one. We were a community. A society unto ourselves. And we made our own rules.

My point is this: YOU make your own rules in the social media revolution. By doing so you contribute to the true freedom and uncontainable spirit that will hopefully continue to grow as the mediums multiply. Sure, you should ask around. See what others are doing. Interact and examine and research and get informed about your society.

But please don’t let others dictate your behavior to the point that we lose YOU.

This society needs YOU. Not clones. Not mindless reruns of what the popular kids are doing. We need YOU.

If you bring your own personality, humor, values, culture, traditions, insights, and behaviors into the mix, we all become better, as individuals and as the whole. We learn from each other and grow together and we all gain a little piece of each other as the global community strengthens. Not to the point of losing ourselves, but to the point of becoming a better us.

I want to know and possibly adopt some of your traditions. I want to hear all about your interests and activities. I want to be invited to visit and hang out in your favorite institutions. And I want to share mine with you.

Please don’t drink the Kool-Aid and allow someone else to dismantle the real you. Dive in. Make mistakes. Learn and grow and contribute. I hope that together we can all make the social media rules. And then we can break them together too!

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